Such things are worth noting

10/27/04
9:51 pm
Such things are worth noting,

i thought, upon entering my apartment.

a parched throat had me
travel downstairs to
Alice's Deli
and purchase some drinks
while readings of estlin
implored me to record
such routine things
and laminate them
in the eternal plastic wrapping
of literature.

now plaques can be discarded
in dresser drawers to be excavated
and amorously adored
with seasons sprawling & spilling

like they once did
from me.

if only i were more grown as a writer
and my hands, more sensitive.

napalm flowers

when your heart is a hybrid
between a sponge and a water balloon
absorbing and admiring all that is around you
your eyes have tripled in diameter
your skin more sensitive to the wind
your imagination no longer needed
because reality outweighs your daydreams

the sky drops down to smother you
the ground rises up to swallow you
and the ocean flows in to sustain you

collision of melody and harmony
moving projected frame
contours in shadow and light
marriage of sharpened phrases
throbbing neck in 4/4 time
worldwide gathering of sound

you are frozen and on fire simultaneously
encapsulated in ice, then combusted spontaneously

your hands stain neon colors onto all that it touches
pulsating organically from open to close
words flap their wings into terrific prose
sidesteps circumspectly on the ledge overlooking the infinite
all pretense incised because you are now living it
the night never more young
the city lights never more alive

filling your cup, overflowing
brighter now, always glowing
and your are thoroughly swollen

you swear you're gonna burst
but first
you must record
because THIS is it
THIS is the moment defined by the
aggregate of stars
convergence of ocean sparkles
firecracker brightness
white lights in white robes
the very countenance of the son of God
smiling down in unadulterated form

this must be sketched then re-sketched then painted
this must be transformed to paper and pasted
this must be capturedwhere is the notebook? where is the pen?
a napkin will do! should the camera be used?
more time for it to be adored,or quickly retrieved and stored?
this must be taken in, kept warm and safe, cared for, nurtured
lukewarm temperature, or else it will spoil
or else it will rot
or else it will forever evaporate and evanesce
back to the clouds, back to the universe
back to the firmament where it came from
out of my hands & out of my heart
never to be genuinely felt this is what i have been waiting for
i have been searching deserts and trees and skies and water
and finally, THIS IS IT!

thisissomethingbeautiful.

naturalness

i had a good talk with my sister in the car today.
we had just been to my mom's place and were driving back to my apartment.
it was a nice talk. although i hate not being able to help myself from labeling it as a 'family moment' at that point and time. isn't being with family supposed to feel completely and totally natural? since when did i self conciously take special note of it?

i find myself trying so hard to achieve that natural state of familial connection.
but the more you try to make something natural, the more you negate the naturalness of it.

i never used to hug my sister. and now, when she beckons for one and i do, it feels new and awkward. i believe it to be a good sign more than anything else.